And be about characters who have that cultural background. Maybe the Mexican legend, and I'm just spitballing here, should be set in Mexico.
#THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA COMMON SENSE MEDIA MOVIE#
Putting the setting of the movie in LA and focusing on a family with seemingly no ties or knowledge of the legend is the worst crime, done solely so that they can have this film's verion of priest with a haunted past explain the legend to the lowest common denominators in the audience. The worst crime of this movie though is the waste of the concept. She's psychic and vaguely omnipresent and she will throw things with her mind and teleport occasionally. The Legend herself is glossed over, relegated to the same shitty undefined boogywoman that is so commonplace in these things. Normally I can stomach bad horror, because at least horror tends to get funny when it's bad. This has been A Message In A Bottle To Make Me Feel Like I Didn't Waste Exactly Ninety Minutes Of My Life (Because That's How Long Movies Are, You Guys, By Committee). They made a South Park episode about Human Centipede.Īnd that's about all I have to say about that. It's literally the most formulaic horror movie I've ever seen. Jump scares are cheap, but they usually Work - in this movie they don't because you can tap your foot to them. Or do right by the story and lean into the dark.
If you're going to defang to make more money, find a way to lean into it. It's just a worse version of SO MANY other movies. Someone out there probably said the same thing and then did a redraft to make it more pointed, but I don't care enough to look at any of those reviews or think about it any further than that lazy comment.Īnd that about sums the whole thing up for me. And other people probably say it even better. It's a cheap and easy and thoughtless thing to say about that garbage pile, and I'm sure there are reviews that say the exact same thing out there somewhere.
Dare I say, they watered it down so much it drowned? Yes. So then in response, I guess, they de-fanged it and turned it into a nerfed story about nothing, flashing "Movie Making By Focus Group" on the screen. DOES it? That ticks just about all the boxes on the list of taboos and unimaginable horrors that Normal People won't abide. Does it get darker than that? I mean really.
This is a story about a woman who drowned her children and is therefore damned forever to try to drown other children to replace them. There was a La Llorona house at Halloween Horror Nights a few years back and the story in that house was SO. They shoulda just leaned into it and made it HARD R," and I sat through it with that thought, getting bored and restless, like I do with all "this is PG13 cuz cash grab". It's a bummer too, because while watching it I was like "OMG PG13 horror suuckks. Is the worst horror movie I've ever seen.